Searching for Truth: An open letter to my son

   Dear James,

      Truth is a tricky thing to pin down.  It cannot be defined by the opinion of the majority.  Written works and Legal systems cannot hold claim to possessing complete truth.   I once held the ideal that if it was written down, it must be true.  Over the years I have learned that you cannot believe everything you read. So how can you find truth?  I believe time plays a key role, give yourself time and watch what unfolds.  Truth will stand and error will fade away.

      As you and I were studying Ancient cultures in Social Studies this year we found some similar truths on the Eightfold Path of Buddhism and Mormonism.  They were as follows. 

                  Incline toward goodness and kindness

                  Avoid lies and gossip

                  Prevent evil and do good

                  Don't steal or harm others

         

    This discovery of similar core values in a religious system created thousands of years ago was exciting to you.  We talked about the common thread of truth found in many religions, cultures and governments.
       As we studied other civilizations we discovered many governments and religions valued these same principals.  The most stunning observation gathered this year was the correlation between the people adhering to these principals and the  success of the civilization.   James you noted that it was like the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon because as the government, laws or principals of the people became corrupt the civilization would begin to decline. 

       During this time you mentioned you enjoyed reading the Book of Mormon because you felt enlightened and it provided a direction and answers in your life.  Then you said it felt different than reading Percy Jackson books.  Someday you may wonder if the Book of Mormon is true.   Someday you may wonder if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true.  That is why I am writing you this letter.

      I want to tell you about the time when I was looking for truth.  A  few years ago I came across many things on the internet that made me question my faith.  Almost everything had to do with the History of the church.  I began to question things that bothered me.  I want you to know I NEVER questioned the doctrine. No matter what, I knew the plan of Salvation and the Atonement were real.  I want to share with you a few key things I learned during this time.  I also want to write them down so I don't forget.

•  Faith cannot exist without doubt.  Don't be afraid of your doubts as   you work through them your faith will grow in proportion to the mountain you conquer.
•  Truth will give you a feeling of light- Deceit will give you a feeling of darkness.  Learn to distinguish the difference.
• Just because something is not Sacred to another person does not mean it is not  Sacred.   When actions or words violate what is sacred to me it is confusing and harmful.  I have found it is better to stay away.  Desecrating what is sacred to another religion is not a respectful approach and will not  lead you to truth. 
• There is a huge difference between searching for truth and trying to destroy. Searching builds, questioning enlightens, criticizing destroys.  Learn the difference and you will be a wise man.
• Truth will provide new understanding.  Half-truths and lies will confuse you more.  When your head is spinning in circles and you can't find your way, you have lost it.  Try a new source of information.  If you find even one twisted truth you should deem the source unreliable.  Where there is one exaggeration there will be more and you will go insane trying to figure out which is which. 
•  

    So, that is it!  It is really simple; most truths are sweet and pure.  The way you will know principals are true is by applying them in your life. 

              I look forward to the man you will become.  I enjoy learning with you and from you.  Remember to find out for yourself what is true, do not just take another person's word for it.   People can be passionate and convincing, but what you believe should be achieved by you asking God. The most profound things are discovered when we ponder alone.   I love you more everyday.

                                                    Love,
                                                                             Mom

Lessons from my Garden

            When I was young I had an Tangelo tree in my backyard.  Every year I would get really excited watching the small white blossoms change into tiny round balls.  As a child I would run outside to see the color change as the Tangelos became juicy and ripe. 

                                Tangelo Tree
   Our tree had a reputation of being harsh on the taste buds.  The tree produced a fruit that was even more bitter than a lemon.  My Tangelo tree at first sight looked just like the Orange tree in my grandma's back yard, I recall becoming very angry when the fruit never tasted the same.  My grandmother's tree produced bags and bags of sweet fruit.   I often ate oranges from my grandmother's bounty until my belly was bursting.  I could never understand why our Tangelo tree looked just like an orange tree, smelled just like an orange tree and grew just like an orange tree, but the fruit was terrible.

Orange tree

                   When I was  9 years old my dad decided to help me try to encourage the fruit to taste better on our Tangelo tree.  We decided to give more time to the tree, water it and fertilize it.  I had high hopes that we would be able to use it's harvest this year.  That year I committed to water the tree every week.  

  My dad found some fertilizer to feed the tree.  After waiting and hoping for an entire year I remember being absolutely certain that the Tangelo fruit would taste like an orange.  Oh, what a huge disappointment in my young life when the Tangelo fruit was bitter.    All that hard work and the Tangelos tasted exactly the same as they had the year before!!  Suddenly I realized that we would never get sweet fruit from this sour tree.  This perhaps this is why they don't sell Tangelos in the grocery store. 

  The lesson from my garden that year was a good one,

        "You can't change Tangelos into

      Oranges no matter now hard you try."                 

             
  There is a another lesson that can be gleaned from my Summer with the Tangelo tree.  The saying that a good tree produces good fruit has always rang true to me.  It is possible to know a tree by it's fruits.  This statement sounds so simple, but as I reflect back on my life it has proved accurate many times.  In the story of the Tangelo tree, I knew it was bad fruit, but I wouldn't believe it until I did everything I could to make it better and failed. 

    
  Now I am older and when I decide what trees to nurture and cultivate in my life I look first at the type of fruit they produce.   Looking at the quality and sweetness of the fruit a tree produces before I plant it in my garden has saved me disappointment, frustration and a lot of water. 



             

Alice in Wonderland, a deeper look down the Rabbit Hole.

     As a child I was scared by the story of Alice in Wonderland.  It was the opposite of everything I felt that was safe and secure.  Flowers were mean, cats smirked at your questions and Alice was in peril.  The story was a glimpse into the most terrifying kinds of problems;  The ones where things appear to be  enchanting, but they spin you in circles and spit you out lost.

    There have been rumors that Lewis Carroll was on some kind of acid trip when he wrote the book, I do not believe that for a minute.  As I read the story today, I realize it is full of depth and insight that only an astute author could summon.  On a certain level Alice  is a cautionary tale, warning  us of common mistakes we make. 

    The trouble begins when  Alice grows bored of her sister.   Alice is compelled to find something more exciting and peers into the deep, dark rabbit hole.  Being curiouser and curiouser  she "accidentally" falls in.  This never fooled me as a child, no one  accidentally falls into a  rabbit hole,  I believe Alice purposely and with great effort shoved herself in.  

      Instead of realizing her predicament and yelling back to her family for help,  (as a child I always thought a rope would do nicely here) Alice impetously presses forward into the unknown.

      Alice begins eating and drinking  cakes and liquids with no known origins, in an effort to squeeze through a door she was clearly not intended to enter.  Abruptly, there appears on the scene a Neurotic Rabbit badly in need of a Xanax.  The White Rabbit appears to be  running toward his doom with an absurd urgency.  As a child it was clear to me that this was the wrong character to choose as your leader,  but sadly Alice follows the unstable Rabbit into Wonderland.

    I have always had great concern for the nervous White rabbit running around so frantically.    The rabbit is not hurtful, but is clearly not helpful.  I found the Rabbit a  fluffy tragedy because he appeared to know where he was going, but he did not.   I craved the leadership this amiable little rabbit never had, his character in the story gave me no hope.        
     When Alice gets through the door and finally puts her feet down on solid ground she joins a race.  This race has no beginning and no end: you just run around and around in circles.  I see a parallel to a human tendency in this episode.   Many times in life have I found myself unintentionally entered into a race like this.  I'm I the thinnest? Am I the most creative? Am I the prettiest?  There is no end to these kinds of races and they exhaust you.  Alice learns quickly that she is going nowhere fast and gets out of this maniacal race.  Good choice Alice.

      
     I find it fortuitous that Alice walks right into an identity crisis when she seeks help from the Caterpillar.  Upon her approach the Caterpillar questions ingeniously "Who are you?"  I don't believe it was the Caterpillar's intention to find out who Alice was....it seems his objective was to motivate Alice to look more closely at herself.   This tangent confuses Alice, but it is all part of her journey.  Alice's former pattern of behavior was to run around seeking answers from everyone she met, but now Alice needed to provide an answer and found she could not.  Alice was young had not yet fully developed her own identity.     I relate to Alice in this part, when I am running around in a frenzy I loose touch with who I am. 

     The Cheshire cat is probably the most sagacious character in the story.  He is fleeting in his initial appearance, but then purposely poises himself  in a tree with signs pointing everywhere and nowhere at the same time.  Alice solicits the help of the Cheshire cat in an effort to find  an honest direction.  Upon which the most quoted exchange from the book takes place:


                                                  "Which road do I take?" She asks. 
                                                  "Where do you want to go?" was his response.
                                                  "I don't know." Alice answered.
                                                  "Then," said the cat "It doesn't matter." 

        And so we finally hear what I believe is the most important message of the story.
If you don't know where you are going, you will never get there.
If you don't know where your going, you will end up where you don't want to be.  
If  you don't know where you are going, there will be a legion of paths with a bounty of characters, 
 You will be entertained for sure, but an resolute path can not be secured in Wonderland.

     Frantic and wearied, Alice reaches the Mad Hatter who is my favorite character because he is jubilantly hosting a never ending party. The Mad Hatter is surrounded by a mix of equally jovial companions.  The conversations are captivating because each character holds a resolute opinion of nonsense.  Alice soon realizes that this inquiry is going nowhere because the gregarious Mad Hatter is out of his mind.  At this point Alice seems discontent with things in Wonderland.  Alice realizes that if she is going to get any direction for herself she is going to need to leave these fools behind.  Alice has stopped asking questions and understands that the she needs to find her way.  

   

      In route Alice stumbles upon a Queen consumed with hatred and the desire to dominate everyone in her kingdom.  In fear Alice is compelled to flee from Wonderland. Over the threats "Off with her head, off with her head!!!"  Alice runs for her life.  Her desire to live seems to jolt her into reality. Alice's great eagerness to see her sister again brings into sight the path by the river bank which leads Alice safely home.  When Alice decided where she wanted to go the path she had been searching for suddenly appeared before her eyes.  It is evident Alice just needed to know that she wanted to go home and the only person who could get her there was herself.

                     I will refrain from explaining what I think this story symbolizes in my life and leave room for you  to explore what it means to you.  When you discover something on your own, you learn so much more.   What was once considered a disturbing children's story is now an insightful peek into a journey through life.  I am no longer scared by Alice and her journey through Wonderland, I understand Alice needed to "Fall down" in order to grow up.  

      And so the story ends where it began with Alice's sister reading to her on the riverbank. 

 Alice awakens wiser and more grateful for the sunlight than ever before. 

 

 Alice now knows better who she is,

 what races to run, 

 and  

that the answer was within her the whole time. 

Baby Indigo.

"We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves"

--Beecher

       I do not know when the longing for baby Indigo began for  my daughter Mae.  Since the time Maee could cuddle a babydoll she seemed to often have one in her arms.  When Mae couldn't find her pretend baby bottle she would use her finger and pretend to feed her dollies with her little hand.   Mae had  incrediably strong maternal instincts and and tried to mother others.

       When Mae was in Elementary School she would make "Water Balloon Babies".  The Water Balloon baby is made by filling  balloons with water. These babies needed beds and only the coziest beds would do. Mae would create a little bed for her babies with a basket and washcloth.  For weeks she would carry the same baby around.   Everything was wonderful until one of her babies would pop.  

     On the day Luke was born Mae and Jeremiah came to see him in the hospital.  Both parents were overcome with the desire to have a little baby of their own.   I could hardly wait, finally Mae would have a real baby of her own.   

Mae, Jeremiah and Baby Luke in the hospital

       It has been rewarding to see Mae and Jeremiah become parents.

My most treasured experience was when Indigo was  to be blessed.  Jeremiah started to give the blessing and at the sound of his voice Mae let out a little gasp and began to tear up.  I knew at that moment that Mae's dreams had come true and I felt my dreams for her had as well.  

While we try to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about.
Angela Schwindt

Courage

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Winston Churchill quotes      The wise will not believe everything they hear.   The charitable will look for the good in others.   The courageous will be willing to speak and listen to those they are in conflict with.   The honest have nothing to hide.     "All Truths are easy to understand once they are discovered: the point is to discover them." -Galileo Galilei Quotes

What I have learned

     This last Summer our family went through one of the biggest trials of our life.  I always like to look back on hard things and try and see what good has come of it.  I believe everything we go through can make us a better person if we let it. 


 I have learned appreciation for my husband who protected me when things got too hard.




I have learned through adversity Heroes are made.



I have learned Mae comforts me when I cry and does not judge others.

I have learned Tasha helps me to stay loving and understands me

I have learned when you involve God you have safety.

 I have learned that hate destroys.

I have learned that love builds.




I have learned I can be strong when I have to be.

I have learned how much my sister-in-law loves my brother and stands by his side.

I have learned my dad prays and has a deeper faith than I ever thought.




I have learned my mom can smile and laugh through anything.

I have learned my older brother is a valiant, protective, resilient and good.





The most important thing I have learned from all of this is that my family is stronger, better and closer than ever before. 

 I am grateful for my trials because they make me the person I am.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PBLj0MnPn0

If

 

Looking for words, I cannot find them. So I will defer to this  poem by Kipling who says it the best.  I love this. 


If

If you can keep your head when all about you
 Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling